The Perks Of Being A Woman
by Kneel To The Left
Summary: What happens to the Swan-Mills family when the raging storm that is Regina takes hold of the house before that time of the month settles in? Before "Compass" so Little Cora makes an appearance. Pure humour but still Rated T just for safety.


**A/N: I have no idea where this came from but damn did I have fun writing it**

* * *

There was a certain week in every month of the year where one would find every Swan-Mills family member, trapped in the mayor's household remarkably well behaved like angels – as if their life depended on it. A week where every night, Henry finished his homework on time, Cora made sure to always wash her hands properly before and after eating and the authoritative Sheriff Emma showed the patience and humility of a saint.

That was the week before the laws of nature took effect for the sake of the mankind's survival, nicely tormenting the female biology as it did. Somehow, women were given the wrong end of the bargain on this as well.

Regina barged angrily into the living room, her face dark and her lips curling into a snarl because her budget numbers refused to balance. There was an inequality only by a decimal point but her as far as she was concerned, it might as well have been the first sign of an impending apocalypse.

Cora immediately shrunk into Emma's shoulder while Henry mumbled some excuse about needing to clean his room and scampered off.

She was about to lose her mind when Regina's charcoal irises fell on the Ben & Jerry's Boston Cream Pie wrapped in Emma's hand while Cora held the spoon.

She squinted a little and pondered cautiously. Without another word, she kicked off her heels and sat next to Cora. She lightly grabbed for the spoon with Cora's plump hands still attached to it and helped herself to a mouthful.

Cora's face beamed with pride at having just fed her mama.

Emma let out a sigh of relief but Regina heard the exhale and glared at her.

The blonde smiled weakly at her beautiful wife, her eyes pleadingly whispering _I love you_.

Regina huffed at her before taking another bite from Cora's eager hand.

It was mostly Emma who was on the receiving end of this week. Every night. After the kids went to bed. In the quiet of the evening, in the sanctuary of their bed, Regina savagely demanded and took everything Emma's body had to offer, leaving no part of her safe. There were moments when she thought she might die from Regina's insistent fingers, claiming one orgasm after another.

Emma would've been lying if she said she didn't enjoy those nights.

Sometimes, Regina's urges took hold during the day. Emma lost count of how many times she'd been called into Regina's office under the pretence of 'town business' only to viciously be ravaged against the door, on the desk, over the chair, down the carpet the second she stepped in.

She narrowed her eyebrows in contemplation. Now that she thought of it, there wasn't any surface in the mayor's office that hasn't been christened by their lovemaking.

So yeah, Emma wasn't going to lie. She loved that those blissful seven days twenty-seven percent of the time.

But the first day after the Scarlet week (as Emma crudely named it, unknown to Regina) was over, Regina would transform from a raging dragon to a whimpering puppy.

The sheriff came into their bedroom with a tray of hot ginger tea and a bowl of steaming chicken soup.

Regina was frowning lightly at the uncomfortable cramp she felt below her stomach but tried to smile since she had Cora nudged comfortably under her arm. The two cuddled together while watching Nickelodeon.

The four-year-old frowned, "that's so silly, no one can do that without dying," she pouted, angry at the lack of realism in a children's animated feature.

Emma laughed, thinking Regina would probably say that had she seen this at that age too.

"Maybe you can write better shows when you grow up," Emma suggested, placing the tray to the side.

Regina nuzzled into her daughter's head, comforted by the aroma of baby shampoo and pulled her closer.

"I could," Cora grumbled, "I'd write far better things than that."

Emma's smile widened.

"What're you guys watching?" Henry's head peeped in through the doorway, his height towering near the head of the door now that he was seventeen and almost a grown man by all accounts.

"Something not good," Cora groused before she changed the channel. "Hey look, it's Transformers!"

Henry's eyes brightened at that. He stepped in and made himself at home on the red beanbag that sat on the floor a few feet away from the flat screen.

"Cool," he stated, pushing his hands into his pockets, a sly grin forming on his lips when Megan Fox came on.

Emma just rolled her eyes at him.

Suddenly, Regina's cramp intensified and she let out a low hiss like the slow turn of a drill bit. And of course, an accompanying headache beat its way up her neck and settled into her temples.

Cora immediately noticed and looked back at her in a panic.

"Mama?"

"She's alright, sweetie," Emma said, handing the warm tea to Regina with some medication for the pain, "mama's just being a big baby, isn't she?"

Regina was about to take a sip when Emma made her comment. She was a second away from snapping at her, a clever comment waiting behind her tongue when she suddenly recalled the dates.

A wicked smirk teased her lips, her gaze growing with mischief as she looked at her wife.

"Laugh now," she said calmly, blowing on her tea as she did, "next week it's your turn."

Emma went as stiff as a board.


End file.
